A Little Background

My experiences are like so many that bear the scars of the Mormon cult. Families torn apart. Relationships destroyed. Depression. Despair. My story isn't special, but it is mine.

I am a young woman recovering from Mormonism. Having been born into a very devout Mormon family, I lived as a member of the church for over twenty years... until I began to ask questions. I went to mutual every Wednesday night, graduated from seminary, received my Young Women's Medallion, and even attended BYU. I lived my life in a bubble, a shining example to my siblings and fellow church members. I lived by a strict moral code but was terribly narrow-minded. I was selfless in my service and fierce obedience, but I was dangerously naive.

It was after some serious confrontations (and after getting myself into a lot of trouble) that I had to leave BYU, and it was after that when I decided on a whim to move to a location far from the influence of the church (and sadly, away from my family and friends). I was completely on my own for the first time in my life. I was young, confused, and lacked much real life experience... through trial and error, I have learned to stand on my own two feet.

I now reside on the coast, working full-time and preparing to return to school. I have a wonderful boyfriend of over a year (Christian background) who has been there at my side through my bouts of depression and frustration. My parents, confused as to why I made such a move, do not understand my need for freedom. They continually pressure me to to return, to move back, to succeed in the church. I am not strong enough yet to stand up to them in my decision to abandon the Mormon cult, and am therefore living a terrible lie.

As the pressure builds, I am realizing that I am running out of time. Like a storm cloud hanging over me, I am afraid to think too much of my future, specifically my family situation. Thoughts of ever graduating from college, celebrating a passion, getting married, or having children are more frightening than exciting because of the reality that my parents will have face, and what consequences that might come of that.

For now, I am biding my time. Educating myself and growing stronger every day in what beliefs that I do have. After all is said and done, I am a much happier, healthier person than I was in the church. I might have my anxieties about my family situation and The Confrontation... but I have no regrets.

Kit Curious